


How to Kiss Like a Lesbian

by cobblestoner



Category: CW Network RPF, Screenwriter RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bromance, Crossdressing, Drunk Kissing, M/M, Robdam, Self Slash, Slash, Twitter Chaos, Unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 01:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cobblestoner/pseuds/cobblestoner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For explanation, see: http://robdam.tumblr.com/post/42453679460/sentirlanada-robdam-im-waiting-patiently-for  (Yes, they invented their own slash pairing. Yes, they made up the word "Robdam".)</p><p>"Maybe to an outside observer it looked like a pair of single screenwriting nerds having a midlife crisis, but it totally wasn’t that. It was just get-drunk-with-your-bro night. Which was apparently Wednesday? And who needs to pay for a seat at a strip club when you have a perfectly comfortable kitchen table and decent cushions on the chairs."</p><p>Mojitos, Deadpool is a bad influence, Robbie is worried about Charlie's onscreen kiss. Adam helps him out. For some reason they're both single and they live in New York or Vancouver or somewhere else where blizzards happen. I don't even know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Kiss Like a Lesbian

“It’s not that I’m uncomfortable writing a lesbian kiss, you know that,” says Robbie. “It’s that 90 percent of the time you see women kissing on TV, it’s there to titillate men - and I don’t want this to come off like that. Charlie’s a real person, not a sex object.”

“Oh yeah, but the audience already knows that,” gestures Adam with his second mojito. Entirely on a whim, they’ve decided to spend the evening ironing out ideas over a sugary drink that Adam hasn’t mixed since college. Robbie made a face at first but Adam insisted he didn’t understand mojitos until he’d tried Adam’s version.

Maybe to an outside observer it looked like a pair of single screenwriting nerds having a midlife crisis, but it totally wasn’t that. It was just get-drunk-with-your-bro night. Which was apparently Wednesday? And who needs to pay for a seat at a strip club when you have a perfectly comfortable kitchen table and decent cushions on the chairs.

“So, you’re a guy writing about a lesbian - isn’t that what’s so great about storytelling, that people with different backgrounds and feelings can find this common ground? I mean, you think about, no, seriously, it’s funny but that reminds me of the scene,” (and Adam maybe didn’t remember quite how drunk you could get off of just a couple of tall-ass glasses of this candyjuice) “…It reminds me of the scene where Dean and Charlie seduce the security guard together. Neither of them are interested in hitting on a guy, but they both have related feelings they can draw from; so this straight dude ends up convinced. It’s human imagination, man.” 

Robbie’s grinning and nodding. He’s wearing Adam’s absurd french maid apron. Adam had put it on earlier as he stirred the sugar into a pot of warm water on the stove. It’s a Deadpool reference, of course, and Adam wears it in the kitchen on a regular basis because believe it or not, it makes him feel hella manly. 

That’s not why Robbie’s wearing it. Robbie’s wearing it because he said he would wear “the frilly maid thing” if Adam went out into the blizzard to fetch Robbie’s shearling slippers from the trunk of his already partly-snow-encrusted car. The heat just doesn’t go any higher in Adam’s apartment and anyway it’s not that Robbie’s cold, it’s just that his bare feet get chilly. So now Robbie’s sitting there in giant poofy slippers and a ruffly apron, looking adorable and rather like the last person in the world who would disrespect a woman or contribute to the media misrepresentation of oppressed groups.

“Yeah, I still wanna do it right though,” says Robbie, and he looks down a little wistfully into his half-finished mojito (also his second; turns out the appeal of Adam’s recipe is still universal). 

Adam gets a devilish look on his face and opens his laptop. “We could always google it.”

Robbie snorts. “You’re just gonna get porn.” But he scooches his chair closer to Adam’s so he can see the screen as Adam types. 

“Oh perfect!” says Adam. "[How to Write Lesbian Erotica](http://www.wikihow.com/Write-Lesbian-Erotica)."

“I’m not writing lesbian erotica!”

“‘Lesbian erotica can be a beautiful thing’. Very important to start us off. No? Okay, let’s try something else… Oh look, "[How to Lesbian Kiss](http://www.mademan.com/mm/how-lesbian-kiss.html#vply=0)." Huh, Robbie, apparently we’ve been missing out, because ‘learning how to kiss like a lesbian is something that all guys should learn to do effectively’.”

“Don’t you think this is more Felicia Day’s area of responsibility?”

“Yeah, but you’re setting up the context, it could be important. So, okay, there are four pretty clearly outlined steps here. Step 1: ‘Leave that man crap at the door’. Step 2: ‘Watch lesbian porn’. Step 3: ‘The hands-on approach’… so like, find a girl to practice kissing with. Sixth grade again, perfect. And finally, step 4, we’re advised to ‘try some tongue action’”.

Robbie squints at the screen. “This is horrible advice. Women never like rough, animalistic sex? What the hell?” He raises a sarcastic eyebrow at Adam and takes advantage of the other man’s laughter to steal the big curly straw that Adam’s been using to drink his mojito. He doesn't pluck it out of Adam’s drink with his fingers; he leans over, lifts it with his mouth, and puts it into his own glass. Adam is about to protest but when Robbie gets the straw between his lips it’s so cute and so unexpectedly… lovely that all Adam can do is stare.

Adam can’t let the act go entirely unpunished, though, so he gives Robbie a stern look. Robbie sits back and meets Adam’s gaze with a smugness that says, _you could take it back if you really wanted, but you’re not going to because you like me so much_. It’s maybe less effective in the bargained French maid apron but it still makes Adam feel a bit tingly. “I know how to kiss girls,” says Robbie. “And that article is crap. What I don’t know is how to kiss a girl, when I am a girl.”

“Have you ever kissed a guy?” and Adam knows it’s a huge mistakes as soon as he says it. He hadn’t even thought about it; it just slipped out, it just slipped out because he can’t stop staring at Robbie’s lips and how wet they are and he knows they almost certainly taste like lime and mint. 

Robbie scoffs and then looks thoughtful, fingering a ruffle on the apron. “I guess not.”

“Well, if this article is crap, maybe you should do the opposite of what it says.” Adam really is feeling quite drunk now, and maybe they should have used smaller glasses - much, much smaller glasses. 

Robbie just stares at him expectantly, with a funny little smile.

“Not like, uh, not like, kissing women really ferociously, or never watching porn again, or, um,” and Adam knows he’s babbling now, “or not, inviting a woman over and then refusing to kiss her.”

“No? Then what do you mean, Adam?”

“I mean, opposite, or well it’s not opposite, more like reverse, or equivalent corresponding, um…” Adam trails off because Robbie has leaned forward and is untying the apron, lifting it over his head and draping it over the table. He’s wearing one of his Red Wings shirts underneath. “What are you doing? You said you’d keep it on all night.”

“Yeah, but if I’m going to kiss a guy for the first time, I don’t want to feel like a chick,” and that’s literally all the warning that Adam gets before his best friend’s fingers are at the back of his neck, pulling him forward. Adam sucks in a soft gasp as Robbie rests his forehead against Adam’s. He can feel Robbie’s breath on his face and it’s as quick as his own. 

“You want me to stop, buddy?” Robbie says quietly, and Adam’s eyes flick up to meet his, so close. Yeah, they’re drunk, but Adam has wanted this enough when he’s sober that it doesn’t matter. It’s just like Robbie, to see right through him, but to be so awfully kind and thoughtful that he’s going to ask for permission anyway - even though it’s embarrassingly obvious that Adam doesn’t want him to stop, never wants him to stop. When he feels a hand on his knee and the fingers at the back of his neck tighten and pull at his hair, Adam groans and tilts his head, searching for Robbie’s mouth. He feels Robbie whisper _oh my god_ as their lips fit together.

The man tastes like… wow, Adam can’t even describe it. Like fucking unicorn jizz or something. Adam closes his eyes and just totally loses it, utterly blissed out. Between the alcohol and the perfect, wet slide of Robbie’s tongue, he’s pretty sure he’s melting. Eventually he just can’t take it, it’s too perfect; he breaks the kiss to nip up the side of Robbie’s jaw.

“Shoulda known it,” murmurs Robbie, “seducing me the whole time, with your innocent blue-eyed thing…”

“My what?” laughs Adam, begging to differ; if anyone was doing the seduction it was certainly not Adam. 

“Your let’s-watch-lesbian-porn thing…”

“We never watched lesbian porn. Do you want to watch lesbian porn?”

“… and learn how to kiss like girls…”

“Just don’t try to talk, Robbie.”

“If you want me to shut up you’ll have to make me.”

Adam grins and kisses Robbie again.


End file.
